Taking Control Of Our Inner Skinny Bitch


In a book I read recently, The Goddess Revolution (HIGHLY RECOMMEND), the author Mel Wells makes reference to our inner skinny bitch. We all have an inner mean girl hiding in there somewhere. She is not you. Our inner voices are powerful beyond imagination, and the way we talk to ourselves can shape the lives we lead.

I’m not good enough.

I’m not smart enough.

I’m not pretty enough.

For me, one stood out – I’m not skinny enough. In earlier years my inner bitch would make me step on the scale every morning and chastise me if the number was too high. If the number was “acceptable” I still wouldn’t receive any congratulations, as I could always do better. My inner skinny bitch came out every time I looked in the mirror, looked at photographs, went out for a meal, tried on clothes/bikinis. She thought living on 1,200 calories was cool, enjoyed exercising until she hit 600 calories and liked the feeling hunger gave her, as she knew this was the key to losing more weight. Worst of all, my inner skinny bitch loved to judge and compare – to every single other woman she saw, the size of their arms/thighs/belly/hips, how much they were eating, what they were doing at the gym. When I inevitably failed and gave in to a pizza or cake or a bowl of cereal (or 2 or 3 … this happened more often than I’d like to admit) she was disgusted, and told me how much of a failure I was and how I’d never be enough.

And now? She’s still there, and probably always will be, especially due to the society we live in and how much value we place on being thin. Although she no longer screams, she does still tend to whisper. However, now I can drown her out, and to do that you have to use only words of love. You have to catch her before you give her any attention. Laugh at her, tell her how boring she is. It’s hard, but not impossible.

How can we do this?

  • Practice self love every single day. Write down the things you love about yourself, start your day with positive affirmations and think about the things your body does for you every single day. For example, I always hated my legs, so I think of the things they allow me to do – travel, run, dance etc.
  • Talk to yourself how you would your best friend, your daughter, your niece, your sister. You would never say to them they’re too ugly/fat/not good enough, so why is it okay to say these things to yourself? My sister has just had a beautiful baby girl. Every time I say something bitchy to myself I imagine what it would be like if I said it to her, and this stops me dead still in my negative train of thought.
  • Challenge your beliefs – our negative thoughts can become so habitual that we no longer even think about them. Often we have no substantial evidence to back them up. Remember THOUGHTS ARE NOT FACTS.
  • Think about your values. For me this was a big one. My core values are the importance of my family and friends, helping others, equality being courageous and passionate and living a life full of love and compassion. Did being thin really fit with what I valued in life?  Not at all. Not even close. They were so far apart I couldn’t even see my values anymore.

When your head starts to fill with positive thoughts I can promise you, you will love a much more powerful life – with you in control rather than your inner mean girl.


Until next time!




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