Every time I sit down to write a blog, I second guess myself. I question whether I am actually in a position to preach this stuff (when half of the time even I struggle to practice it), or whether it’s actually needed/useful to anyone out there. But then I remember snippets of conversations I hear from people in the gym about the bits of themselves they hate, or the girls on my course saying how much they need to lose weight, or the photo’s on Instagram showing holiday/wedding/birthday diets. And I remember why I do this – because the majority of people, especially young girls, are placing conditions on their self worth. If someone had drummed into me the idea that I AM ENOUGH no matter what a number of years ago, maybe life would have been that tiny bit easier.
Truth: For the first 20 years of my life I lived in a constant state of insecurity, with the dreaded fact looming over me that I wasn’t, and would never be, enough. In my opinion I wasn’t smart enough, pretty enough, skinny enough, funny enough. And due to this I found it extremely difficult to make connections with people. Apart from with my closest friends and family, I always felt as if I was putting on a completely different face than who I really was. I was absolutely terrified that one day everybody would see through me and all my flaws and decide that I was inadequate, and a person that wasn’t worth the hassle of being friends with. So I made an identity for myself in order to “fix” this – I made it my life’s work to lose weight and to manipulate my body to look exactly how I wanted it to, because if I could control that, I could control people’s perceptions of me. Of course, instead of fixing myself, it only served to break me that little bit more.
I want you to ask yourself these questions. Are there parts of yourself, physically or otherwise, you wish you could change? Does your self worth and love have conditions? Do you only accept yourself when things are going “right”? Do you often compare yourself to others? If yes, you are not embracing your enoughness. Comparison is a big one, and it’s true what they say:
In the social media obsessed culture we live in today, it’s hard not to make comparisons. However, SOCIAL MEDIA IS NOT REAL. We only show our highlight reels – what I mean by this, is that we only show our best bits, the things we deem acceptable to show to the rest of the world. Our struggles and our fears and our bawling our eyes out moments are left to drown in shame at the back of a dark cupboard, never to be exposed.
Imagine if you told yourself right now, exactly as you are (whether that be no make-up, unwashed hair, pyjamas on, bags under your eyes etc.) “I AM ENOUGH”. Not when you lose 5 pounds. Not when you get the grades you want, or the promotion from work. Not when you get your dream car or a thousand followers on Instagram or you find someone who loves you.
Imagine the pressure you would release yourself of, the ten tonne weight off of your shoulders. You don’t have to be perfect any more, you just get to be you.
I blog about my struggles and my fears and my insecurities because real life is messy and raw and sometimes it really, really hurts, and I think that the more we talk and share these stories (it doesn’t have to be to the world – go grab your best friend) the more we remove the shame behind them. We all mess up. We all cry. We all have days where we can’t think of anything worse than getting out of bed.
But it’s okay. You are HUMAN. And you are enough.
Facebook: Kirsty Baines