Here we are on the cusp of a new decade and, if you’re anything like me, reflecting on the past ten years. At the start of the previous decade I was 15 years old, thinking I knew everything there was to know about life, with a fierce belief that the only things in life worth caring about were whether the boy I liked fancied me back, whether I should go for “black cherry” or “cherry red” hair colour next (2 very different shades fyi) and why my best friend put another friend before me on bebo/msn (the ultimate form of betrayal). The 10’s have seen me through my GCSE’s, my A-Levels, a first class university degree, first jobs, first loves, first heartbreaks, first hangovers, finding my passion in mental health, packing up my life in a backpack and travelling to the most mind blowing places, bungy jumping, skydiving, swimming with wild dolphins. They’ve also seen me through almost 10 years of self-harm, anorexia/ednos/exercise bulimia, a near death caffeine overdose (can 100% laugh about that one now though) and just some really shitty experiences and dark days. So what better way to say goodbye to them than to reflect on the things I wish I’d known all those years ago, as a little freckly 15 year old. Here we go:
- Contrary to what you believe now at 15, you will not be a married homeowner with 2 children at 25. You will not even be close. In reality, you cannot even keep a plant alive, you don’t have a credit card and the word “mortgage” makes you want to run away.
- I know your peers are all on water/seaweed/”lets see how little we can eat” diets but please don’t – that first “diet” will turn into into a sinister obsession, and ultimately an eating disorder which will stay with you for the next ten years of your life.
- You do not need to lose weight to exist as a women. You do not need to shrink yourself. You deserve to take up space in the world.
- On that note, throw away all of your shitty women’s magazines telling you you’re not enough – your body, your skin, your hair, your face will never be enough, because then otherwise, how would the rich, old men make money?
- Concealer on your lips does not look good.
- Neither does having 1mm thin eyebrows.
- Neither does wearing skirts so short you a homeless man once told you he could see your knickers (true story).
- Don’t listen to your art teacher basically telling you your work belongs in the bin – that painting of a fruitbowl will be a 10/10 Picasso to someone … somewhere …
- Stop stifling your creativity in order to excel academically. It doesn’t matter how good (or bad) you are – sing, dance, draw, paint, play. I know it’s hard when there’s so much else going on, but those are the things that instill true joy.
- It doesn’t matter if boys don’t fancy you. One day you will learn that you do not exist just to be looked at by the opposite sex. Learn some feminism girl.
- Start yoga now – not only will it make your body capable of things you never knew it could be capable of, it will also be your strongest coping strategy and self-care practice.
- Kindness costs nothing, apart from when it’s at the expense of letting people walk all over you.
- The friends who are there now drying your tears over some spotty adolescent teenager not texting you back will be the same ones wiping your tears to this day over the deeper heartaches of the world. They are your lifelines.
- My god, ask for help. Stop bottling things up and trying to cope with these overwhelming feelings alone. It will only resort to dangerous coping strategies.
- You will make mistakes. You will make hundreds and thousands of mistakes. You will hurt people and you will hurt your self. Punishing and hurting yourself will not turn back the clock – self forgiveness is an extremely powerful and necessary skill.
- Everyone moves at different paces in life.
- Last, but not at all least, you do not have to be perfect to be loved. You are allowed to be confident in your skin, in your beliefs, in your values. You are allowed, and should be encouraged, to love yourself so fiercely you will never have to question why others don’t. Contrary to your belief, you both deserve and will be loved by someone, eventually. Your perceived flaws are not insurmountable barriers to love.
These are the things I wish I had known at the beginning of 2010. But, if I really think about it, would I have changed anything? These experiences have all shaped me into the person I am today – every mistake is a learning curve, every bit of pain and discomfort a place where growth can be cultivated, and every dark day an opportunity to be grateful for the eventual light.
Maybe not the concealer lips though. They were, and never will be, a good idea.
Happy New Year and may you release all things that no longer serve you in 2020.
Love,
Kirsty
The Kirsty Way 